2005-05-24 - 10:16 a.m.
y'know ailments? they must come with age! ;P
otherwise known as: the patience and simple joys pain can teach us. sometimes.
or: mortality. ow.
now, to the different ows:
l. arm: i finally get a clue when at miz mudflaps i played with her survival knife, which for some reason converts into a slingshot. maybe for making thet dere squirrel stew. so all i did was very casually pull the rubberband back and my left wrist did a SHWRRRRRRNG!!! of its own and wow, that hurt!! i personally thought i was doing alot better and had no idea my left forearm was that weak (??) injured (????). i took miz mudflaps's Aleve (i should have stolen more). i looked up 'sprains' on the net when i got my Clue. symptoms of chronic sprains include the constant swelling. chronic sprains are caused by prolonged (wrong) use of muscles and such. bad bad elizabeth forcing the left to adapt to the bad orbital ball!
now i am very careful about turning knobs, pulling drawers, and all those sort of 'repetitive injury' concerns. wearing the brace helps, there's ice, and i want to continue to use my exercise machine if my little tagalong cooperates. now about my little tumor buddy.
hello my wee beastie:
if it's not one thing it's another. with the Safetype i am feeling better and better. then my reproductive bits decide to do the Twist. after a stressful round of dr/clinic/radiology/gyno tag, it looks like i have a benign tumor, or hopefully, an ovarian cyst in my left ovary. the left is twice the size of the right. at least it's not the size of a grapefruit, but still, Ow. with Pill therapy, hopefully it will reduce and i won't have to have surgery and the wonderful expense that would be. Actor's Fund Blue Cross is utterly unhelpful, and yes, i very much miss my old Motion Picture Health Fund. sigh.
but it's funny, it takes an 'oh my god is that cancer??' scare for me to finally Accept, yes, i'm mortal, i'm injured, i'm even ill right now, so i'll just try to Forgive myself for all my perceived failures and just let it all go. i really can only do so much, and that old ambitious, competitive, willfully and enjoyably destructive, incredibly self-indulgent, horribly stubborn old me will need to go to its deserved rest and we can then actually live the simple expectation of Healthy. as i switch from vampire hours to human days my pace changes. that whole 'stop and smell the flowers' sounds so horribly cliche and wussy in this pushpushpush world, but it means i can finally be content. it's a day by day, minute by minute process, but for right now, i am Fine.
and one Aleve a day helps. ;)
best,
~e
